Bjorn 'Coldfinger' Monet

Half Swedish, half French, and all hardcore, Bjorn "Coldfinger" Monet was abandoned by his mother when he was only six-years-old. Forced to fend for himself in the cruel and unforgiving slums of Shanghai, survival meant adopting the spirit of a conqueror and an attitude as cold as the arctic wind.

Years of hardship taught him to fear nothing, to feel no pain, to ignore his desires and suppress all emotion, but most importantly, to care about no one...no one, that is, until he met Ramona Flowers.

Their meeting was purely accidental.

Bjorn had a long-standing feud with the Xihang brothers, and happened to come across them as they were in the process of mugging Ramona. He could care less what they were doing or who they were doing it to - he simply felt the need to kick some Chinese ass. When the dust settled, the Xihang brothers lay in a bloody heap at the back of the alley, and Bjorn had become a hero to Ramona.

She told him so, and wanted to give him a kiss for a reward, but that wasn't his style.

"I'm not your hero, and I don't give a damn about being your friend or your lover or whatever else you might be fantasizing under that pink hair of yours...so kiss this!" and with a rude gesture he turned his back on her and strolled out of the alley.

Naturally, Ramona's heart went thumpity-thump, and she fell in love. For two days she followed Bjorn around the streets of Shanghai. Like his shadow, she would be there whenever he turned around.

"Hey, dude. You're lookin' kinda hungry. Wanna grab some tacos? I'm buying."

Most of the time he ignored her, and more than once made like he was going to swat her, but slowly he began to look forward to her presence. He even felt a twinge of disappointment when he turned and she wasn't there. Eventually, they sat down at the outdoor tables of a Taco Bell and had a conversation. Bjorn told Ramona about being abandoned, his struggle to survive, and how he couldn't trust or care about anyone.

Ramona was determined to change that.

"Hey, did you know Plumtree is playing at the Hard Rock Cafe tonight? Wanna go?"

"What's Plumtree?"

"They're not a what - they're a who. Man, you sure know how to fight, but you don't know squat about music. Come on, you'll like them, and you might even have some fun for a change."

That night as they stood in the balcony of the HRC listening to Plumtree perform, Ramona leaned against Bjorn and gazed into his eyes. "You can kiss me now, if you want."

Bjorn leaned down and kissed her, then went back to listening to the music.

Ramona was not amused. "No, no, no. Absolutely not! That will never do. Who do I look like, your little sister? Kiss me like you mean it."

Bjorn cocked his head to the side and winked at her. "Are all green-haired girls as pushy as you?" Then he wrapped a strong arm around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her hard. His lips ground against hers while his tongue probed deep into her mouth. After a few moments, he leaned back with a self-assured smile. "There, how was that?"

Ramona sighed and rolled her eyes. "You call that a kiss? You know what I think? I think your problem is you've spent your entire life learning how to survive, and never spent one minute learning how to live." She slipped her arms around his neck. "Live with me tonight, Bjorn. Just this once, just for this moment...live with me. Kiss me like you love me."

Her words unlocked a long-repressed emotion in Bjorn. His heart began to pound. His temperature began to rise. When their lips met, a spark of electricity passed between them, igniting something in his soul - something evil.

As they kissed, really kissed, Ramona projected an unstoppable flow of loving energy towards Bjorn's heart. Sadly, Bjorn's heart was now surrounded by an immovable shield of evil energy. The clash between the two forces caused such great pain that Bjorn believed he was being attacked and his life was in danger. He instantly responded in the only way he knew how, by striking Ramona so hard she fell to the floor, unconscious. Then, with his heart pounding in his chest and feeling as if it might explode at any moment, he ran out of the nightclub and into the street below.

The pain and the turmoil in his chest grew worse as he ran down the crowded street. Cursing and knocking people out of his way, he finally stumbled into an alley and fell on his back. The world began to swirl and close in around him. Shocked, confused, and believing he was about to die, Bjorn screamed Ramona's name into the darkness. "Ramonaaaaaa!!!" Then he passed out.

***

Bjorn awoke early the next morning in the same spot as he had fallen, but he felt strange. Specifically, he didn't feel anything at all. He was numb from head to toe. When he tried to stand, his fingers touched a puddle of rain water, and with a sharp crackling sound, as if someone had just poured milk into a bowl of Rice Krispies, the puddle turned to ice!

Bjorn jumped up and shook the frozen puddle off of his hand. "What's happening to me?" He could barely see in the dim light of the alley, so he made his way out to the street. The sidewalk was filled with people on their way to work, but everyone who saw Bjorn appeared horrified and moved quickly out of his way. He couldn't understand why they reacted to him like that. "What the hell's wrong with you people?" He got his answer when he saw his reflection in a store window.

He was blue! Not the, "I've got the Monday morning blues" blue...but blue blue, like the color blue!

While he stood and stared in disbelief at his image in the store window, the commotion around him attracted a cop. "Hey, mister, What's going on here? Are you okay?"

Bjorn spun around and grabbed his arm. "She did this to me! Ramona Flowers is the one who-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the cop turned to solid ice with the same sharp crackling sound as he heard before in the alley! Bjorn suddenly realized how powerful he had become and started to laugh insanely. He walked away and left the cop dripping on the sidewalk with a frozen look of horror on his face.

Ramona, meanwhile, boarded China Airlines flight 943 to Toronto. In love or not, she wasn't about to take that kind of abuse from any man.

Bjorn blames Ramona for his transformation and seeks his revenge. He has vowed to turn anyone who has warm feelings for her into a frozen 'has been' - and that includes Scott Pilgrim.

***

Editor's note: Bjorn "Coldfinger" Monet secretly believes another kiss from Ramona Flowers will reverse his condition and restore warmth and love to his life.